Wednesday, July 16, 2008

My Life, the Bummer

Well, this may not be such an awesome idea: blogging while emotional. But, hey, I'll do my best to share the goings-on of my life at the moment while still trying to keep it interesting instead of annoying.

Things haven't been that great of late (haha, a rhyme). I'm kind of tired of putting up the "everything's going so well" front, so just for tonight, I'll break it down for you guys. Yeah, I said break it down...dig it.

(I'm in a weird mood...forgive me)

So. For the past few months, things have been moving steadily downhill in most of the major facets of my worldly life. Not "spiraling-rapidly-downward-into-an-abyss-of-nothingness" downhill, just more of a "bummer-after-bummer-after-bummer" downhill. My job is terrible and I want nothing more than to quit and be done with it. Certain things hold me back from doing just that: 1) fear of disappointing my boss and co-workers, 2) fear of making a bad decision, 3) fear that my next job could be even worse, 4) I'm not a quitter, 5) I've been trying to make the best of everything even when it's not perfect, 6) I'm not as risky as I used to be. There are other reasons, but those top the list. I'm a wussbag. I don't want to have a confrontation with my boss, get upset or embarrassed, and spend my last two weeks in a horribly uncomfortable setting right outside of said boss' office. I don't know what to do. Bummer.

Next, the weather. It has been raining literally every stinkin' day for the past 3.5 weeks. We're not talking drizzle, either. We're talking full out downpours with thunder that scares the pee out of me even when I'm sitting inside my enormous office building. I like rain in moderation, but this has been out of control. My moods are positively correlated to the weather (for non-psych majors, "positively" doesn't mean good, i.e. bad weather = bad mood). This hasn't helped anything. Bummer.

The next topic could be controversial to post as I don't know who may be reading this blog. But, I'm going to go ahead and be honest, and if it causes trouble, re-read this post's first sentence. Clark and I have been having a lingering issue with the leadership at the church of which we have been actively involved members for almost a year. (Ugh, run-on sentence. Gross. Moving on.) We were worship leaders in the church band, but have recently decided to step down from leadership and have begun a quest for a new church to call home. This has been a long time coming, but it was still very difficult to discuss our intentions with key members of the church. It was our own choice, and we waited a very long time to take action in hopes that things would change for the better. No matter how you look at it, when you've invested so much time, effort, and love into a ministry, it's always hard to walk away. Bummer.

Next, my back has been awful!!! I have major issues with one particular joint in my lower spine. It is on one side of my L5-S1 vertebrae joint (L5 is the lowest lumbar disc, and S1 is the first fused disc of the sacrum). I've had this pain for years -- the first x-rays that showed an issue were taken in 2003. Over time, the pain has become excruciating. More recent x-rays revealed that I have spina bifida occulta (the mildest form of spina bifida) and facet arthrosis in that joint (but neither of those may actually be causing my pain). I was referred to an orthopedist who was not helpful at all, and so I gave up again (this has happened a few times). A co-worker gave me the name and number of his wife's spine doctor; she had had multiple back injuries, and apparently this guy worked miracles for her. As I typically do, I continued to try to endure the pain as long as I could, but for the past few weeks, it's been especially awful. Last week, I told Clark that I was almost at my limit...3 more days of pain, and I would swallow my pride and call the doctor. Sure enough, the next three days were terrible, so I called and made an appointment yesterday. The soonest date they had open was August 18th. I took it, but.....Bummer.

Clark has been home from travel for work for only 5 days in the past 4 weeks. Self-explanatory Bummer.

My windshield met a nice big rock yesterday on our long commute home from work. Now it's missing a nice chunk of glass and has begun to sprout a multi-directional crack. My insurance replaces windshields for free. Yay, right? Wrong. They replace it for free one time per year, and, you guessed it, this same thing already happened this year. So, $200 down the drain. Bum.mer.

Well, that's more than enough complaining for tonight. Sorry if you feel like shoving a letter opener in your eyes right now. I'm just a little tired of giving house updates and movie reviews, even though those are still fun to write. There you have it -- the real life Jess update.

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities,
Nor things present, nor things to come,
Nor powers,
Nor height, nor depth,
Nor any other created thing,
Shall be able to separate us from the love of God,
Which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
~Romans 8:38-39 (NASB)


AmmannFamily said...

Oh wow Jess! I'm sorry! We've had a year like that too so we totally understand. You're always thinking, ok God, what's coming next? We'll be praying for you! Thanks for being real!!!!

Love or Nothing said...

aww Jess. don't stress out too much, just give it up in prayer (which i know you're probably already doing). you're facing some tough things right now! if you're not happy with your job i'd definitely say get out there and look for new possibilities. you should be happy. and hopefully the rain will stop-- literally and in your life. love you :)

AmyB said...

I'm sorry dear, your week sounds like my past week. Do you need a time out? :)

Hope your summer stops being such a bummer. :)

Jess said...

thanks for the nice words, friends. genuine encouragement really picks my spirits up :)