Well, you know from my last post that I've struggled in a big way with
I'm starting to show on the outside... my pants don't fit, but I use a belly band to keep them up. I'm not big enough for maternity pants, but had I not lost 9 pounds, I might have been by this point. I had to pack up 80% of my shirts last week - not that I couldn't fit into them anymore, but that they just looked nasty, clinging in all the wrong places. I've still got my loosy-goosy shirts that I can wear and I got some more for Christmas. I wore my first maternity t-shirt yesterday which was honestly a little bit of a bummer for me. It looked way bigger on the hanger than it actually ended up looking once it was on me. I've got preggo friends who are pressuring me to make the move to the oh-so-attractive maternity pants because of the huge comfort factor, but for some reason I'm fighting that transition. I just don't feel big enough for them yet (even though my current pants are pretty uncomfortable).
One thing I'm glad that's changed has been my level of excitement. While I was sick, I really was not very joyful about the baby, or anything for that matter. I had been struggling with heavy guilt about that; after all, I should be glowing, elated, thrilled... overflowing with joy! I wasn't feeling that way - the way a pregnant woman is "supposed" to feel - did that mean I wasn't grateful? Was I not being appreciative for the huge blessing that was given to us? Did I have a selfish attitude? Was I pitying myself for not feeling well? Oh gosh, what a relief it's been to be excited! All of those old feelings are totally gone, and I'm a busy little bee doing all kinds of research and online "window" shopping. We've picked which room would be the baby's, nursery themes for both a boy or a girl, the furniture we like, and so on. I even made my first couple of baby purchases, which were some used cloth diapers from my friend Jen (we'll be a cloth diapering family) and a crib! My whole attitude has done a complete 180 from the past six weeks and I'm finally bubbly and excited to get into everything baby (except toys.... I'm NOT looking forward to toys). I just can't wait to start buying some things and moving it into the room!
On a final note, I just got back from the doctor's office for my 12-week appointment. Another ultrasound isn't scheduled until 20 weeks, but we did get to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time (heart rate was 158, which I'm told is good). Even more exciting to me than the heartbeat was that we got to hear the baby moving a whole bunch. Doc F wasn't concerned about my weight loss to this point, but he did say that I needed to start packing in the calories wherever I could, by drinking a lot of milk or diet supplement cans like Boost (yuck). Other than that, he was pleased with my progress and said everything looked great!