Monday, June 7, 2010

Still Waiting for Our Girly

Last time I updated you guys was last Thursday, so I suppose it's time again to let you know what's going on. The short of it: not much.

I'm still in the hospital in the antepartum department. I haven't changed rooms at all. Friday and Saturday were completely uneventful. Maybe a couple mild contractions here and there, but nothing I couldn't talk through, so therefore no big deal. Yesterday, the doctor wanted to hook me up to the monitor and maybe check my progress with an exam since it had been a little while since the last one. Before I got all strapped up to the monitors, though, I started getting stronger, more regular contractions again. I ended up having pretty intense contractions every 5-7 minutes from about 10 am until I went to bed around midnight....that's 14+ hours, guys. I was checked twice yesterday guessed it: no cervical change. Still 5 cm, 100% effaced.

Today I've had only a few contractions and they're hardly noticeable. I'm totally exhausted from yesterday - let me just tell you if you don't know - having contractions feels like an intense workout, and after all that I'm physically worn out and a little sore. Emotionally I'm even more exhausted and frustrated. I've felt like crap yesterday and so far today essentially for nothing. And because of yesterday's contraction drama, it's totally set in stone that I'm not allowed to leave. I've been in the hospital for 11 days, and who knows how much longer it will go on like could be weeks. Everyone keeps telling me that one of these days very soon the contractions will start actually doing something, but after all this, the light at the end of the tunnel seems a little dim and far away.

Clark has been going to work during the days, but is always on call if anything should happen. My parents had to leave on Saturday, because even though my life as I knew it had to end (for now), that's not the case for everyone else. I apologize for my downer of a tone in this post, I'm just a bit down after yesterday. I do know that God is good and perfect, and he's got a reason for me being in the hospital like this. He knows exactly when Lily Mae will be born, and I trust in his timing. It's a little hard for me to understand how I can be glorifying his name and building up his kingdom while I'm in this situation, but at least I know that I don't have to have the answers...I just have to persevere and keep my faith strong. I'm lonely here in this room by myself, but I know I'm not alone. The sacrifice God made for his children is far greater than the sacrifice I'm being called to make for Lily Mae. He sent his only son to die for us so that we could join his family and be in relationships with him; all I'm being asked to do is stay in a comfy hospital bed and be waited on hand and foot by professionals until my little girl joins our family. I just hope I can keep that at the forefront of my mind when I start feeling selfish, like now. Keep on praying, friends, our little family needs your faithful petitions! Love you guys! :)


Joyce said...

Praying for you Jess I know it's not easy to hang in there but you can do it!!

Thanks for the update!!


Bonnie said...

I know it's lame and boring and exhausting in the hospital, but everyday you go through that yukiness with her still inside is GOOD, because she's still cooking! You're doing her a great service Jess..and I will make sure she knows that when she's old enough for me to tease her about her dramatic entry into the world :P

Lauren said...

love you girlie! Just wanted you to know :)